MammoSlam!
It's not a brutal as they say....I'm sure if you are around the age that I am you've seen the 'jokes' about it feeling like someone backed over your boobs with their car. I'll tell you what hurts-the darn ultrasound. They make you drink 32 oz of water and hold it for over an hour. I never can, but I just drink more to try and make up for what I lost. What added more hurt was going out in the cold and driving myself there. They usually take me right in and the tech usually always says 'your bladder could be fuller', as if! I have always had a tiny bladder anyway, ask anyone who I've been on a car trip with. The ultrasound was to check my uteran fibroids.
I had to wait a bit for the mammogram. I didn't know it was for almost an hour later. The mam tech kinda gave me grief about it. The waiting room was empty while I sat there for about 20 minutes. I rebounded by saying I had no problem waiting. She wanted to get me in anyway it seems because this older woman was having one done and taking forever to find her insurance cards.
This is over for a year, so the tech said. I don't know what they will say about the fibroids though. I had several small clusters last year. I am hoping to live with them until menopause. It's not easy being premenopausal.
Boob Poem
Author Unknown
For years and years they told me,Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K." I said, 'let's do it.""Stand up here real close" she said,(She got my boob in line),"And tell me when it hurts," she said,"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine.
"She stepped upon a pedal,I could not believe my eyes!A plastic plate came slamming down,My hooter's in a vise!My skin was stretched and mangled,From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,Within it's vise-like grip.A prisoner in this vicious thing,My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath" she said to me,Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."Have mercy, I was praying.It squeezed me from both up and down,It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,It would have gone "ker-pow!"This machine was created by a man,Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,And see how THEY come out!
~~~~~
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. -- Jan King
~~~~~
I had to wait a bit for the mammogram. I didn't know it was for almost an hour later. The mam tech kinda gave me grief about it. The waiting room was empty while I sat there for about 20 minutes. I rebounded by saying I had no problem waiting. She wanted to get me in anyway it seems because this older woman was having one done and taking forever to find her insurance cards.
This is over for a year, so the tech said. I don't know what they will say about the fibroids though. I had several small clusters last year. I am hoping to live with them until menopause. It's not easy being premenopausal.
Boob Poem
Author Unknown
For years and years they told me,Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.And give them monthly tests.
So I heeded all their warnings,And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,And I always wore my bra.
After 30 years of astute care,My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K." I said, 'let's do it.""Stand up here real close" she said,(She got my boob in line),"And tell me when it hurts," she said,"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine.
"She stepped upon a pedal,I could not believe my eyes!A plastic plate came slamming down,My hooter's in a vise!My skin was stretched and mangled,From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,To Swedish Pancake thin.
Excruciating pain I felt,Within it's vise-like grip.A prisoner in this vicious thing,My poor defenseless tit!
"Take a deep breath" she said to me,Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,And woozy I am getting.
"There, that's good," I heard her say,(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."Have mercy, I was praying.It squeezed me from both up and down,It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,To HER tender little hide.
Next time that they make me do this,I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,My knockers getting steam rolled.
If I had no problem when I came in,I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,It would have gone "ker-pow!"This machine was created by a man,Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,And see how THEY come out!
~~~~~
Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone. -- Jan King
~~~~~
posted by Dianne @ 1:52 PM
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